Opportunities

Not very long ago I was being arrested for my 2nd DUI and being carted off to my vacation cell. It was the start of a snowball effect that brought about the loss of my job, my license, my truck and my comfortable living. I had no idea what to expect or even where to begin, but God has guided my steps the entire way. Today I am a full-time college student, and I am working on my Associate's degree in Social Work. I plan on transferring to a four year school when I am finished here. I am being granted new opportunities to meet new people and experience life from a whole new perspective. I have been sober for just shy of two years and still do not have a job or a license, but I do have a fiancée and a 3.75 GPA. I have a relationship with God and I have new tools to face life on life's terms. I do not find it necessary to turn to alcohol or other drugs in order to cope with life. Today, I have the opportunity live life instead of just drowning in it. The opportunities that have been afforded to me are just the tip of the tip of an ever expanding iceberg, and I am excited to see where God will take me next. Sober another day. Woohoo!

Jason B. Sober in Recovery since September 12, 2011. 

“Frienemy”

Alcoholism/Addiction is much more than a lack of will power. Actually most addicts/alcoholics have a very strong will except where alcohol or other drugs may be concerned. Even after being away from the drugs for some time, our minds and bodies still crave the drug and if we are not vigilant in recovery, we will succumb to the disease again. This is what some of us would call, a “frienemy.” There is nothing better than having a best friend, but what happens when that friend turns into a psycho and attempts to take over your life? Today, I must stay vigilant in order to make sure that alcohol and I can maintain our new and distant relationship. I started this blog so I could find new ways of staying sober by connecting with new people and learning other ways that have helped and continue to help them stay sober.

 I am excited about learning new ways to continue growing and also finding how to connect with other people. By starting my blog, I have been able to find others who are doing the same thing. I enjoy reading other postings about life, and I hope that I can use the same types of information on my site. I continue to try and engage with other people through other blogs in order to get feedback on mine. I have only gotten a few responses at this time, but it is a start. I not only want to connect with other addict/alcoholics in recovery, but I also would like to connect with people in the medical and psychological fields in order to get different biological information about the disease as well. I also welcome feedback from friends and family members of alcoholic/addicts. I believe that in order for us to be successful in continuing our sobriety, we need to be able to better understand why we are the way that we are, as well as, learn how we affect those around us.

I believe that this blog is going pretty well, but  I would still would like to receive some feedback from others in order to find new ways to reach other people. I am welcome to hear new ideas and suggestions because the only way I can learn and get better is to hear from other people. However, I feel that my blog is still serving its purpose because it is keeping me sober. I am able to maintain my sobriety by remaining focused on attempting to reach other people. Addiction/Alcoholism is a very cunning and baffling disease. It is a disease that will actually allow a person to believe that they do not have a disease. It is a scary disease that allows a person’s mind to be hijacked in order to deceive them. I find that in order for me and many others to stay sober, we must not let our minds forget who we are because if we do, we will die. I look forward to meeting new people and learning more about my disease. I look forward to interacting with others to find new ways of staying sober and having fun doing it. This is a chance to find new ways to live! Please leave your feedback and stories of recovery so that we can all find new ways to grow. Thank you for helping me make this blog a success. ***REMEMBER: I can’t, but WE can!”

 

Tip of the Week:

 

Recovery is Different from Staying Sober........

 

 

Staying sober is a very important and absolutely necessary first step into recovery. However, in order to continue in recovery it takes a lot more work than that of just staying sober. Stay in contact with other people who are in recovery, but remember to stick with the winners. Many of us fall into the trap of latching onto other people who are early in recovery or the one's that don't yet feel that they have a problem. The problem with this thinking is that neither of the recovering alcoholics/addicts are in a good place and usually just find new drinking buddies instead of helping hands in recovery. Recovery is hard and is not for the faint of heart, but if you stick around and listen to other people who have been through what you are going through, then you will be able to continue to grow and learn how to cope with life on life's terms without turning to the old ways of living or lack of living. Stay strong and reach out. I can't, but "WE" can! 

Cleaning up the Mess

            I was recently given a photo, which shows how I used to eat dinner in early recovery. This scene brings back memories of how I used to handle frustrating situations. I was about six months sober when this accident happened. Although I do not remember much about the argument that was taking place at the time, I do remember that I reached a boiling point and this was the aftermath of my reaction to the situation.

            In early recovery I was not very good at dealing with my anger, and results like this were plentiful in my life. In the past, situations like this would have given me the fuel I needed to go out and secure my next drunk. However, even in early recovery, I knew that I wanted and needed to continue seeking new solutions to problems in my life. I can recall sitting at my coffee table eating my dinner, and somehow an argument occurred. After reaching my limit, I stood up and flipped the coffee table, all in one motion, and then immediately walked out the door while reaching for my phone and calling my sponsor. The simple act of calling someone, who would give me the advice that I needed to hear, is what enabled me to get my temper under control in order to re-approach the situation. My fiancée and I were able to reconcile our differences, and then the night was able to move forward.

              It was nice not having alcohol or other drugs getting in the way. This was an emotional and devastating period of time, but through continued practice of love and understanding we were able to grow from this. This picture enables me to see how alcohol is not the solution, but how it is actually the problem. Alcohol and drugs do not need to be my first line of defense in order to “deal with” my problems. I am learning to develop new skills that enable me to repair the damages that I have done, and help me to figure out how to avoid reverting back to those same damaging behaviors. If this is how your dinner arrangements turn out, remember that drinking or using will not clean up the mess. Get connected with other people, who will help you learn how to improve yourself without fueling the fire. Please post any pictures or stories that show how you used to or continue to handle life, and then also share how you are learning to cope with life today. Remember: I can’t, but WE can!

 

Moving Mountains

            When I was active in my alcoholic destruction, I spent all of my time focusing on what happened in the past and what was going to happen in the future. I could never seem to just live in the moment. To other people it may have appeared that all I did was live in the moment without any thought of working for the future, but that couldn’t have been further from the truth. I would always wake up with thoughts of what I had done yesterday and what I was going to do tomorrow. I would always think of how life was going to somehow be better in the future, but the problem was that I was not able to focus on today because I couldn’t seem to escape the thoughts of my past. I never seemed to attain what I wanted because I could never wrap my head around the concept of living in the day. Those mental obsessions of yesterday and tomorrow kept me trapped in my alcoholic prison, but since getting sober I have been learning how to live for today.

 I am getting better at, simply, focusing on the day at hand. I try to remember that, no matter what, yesterday is gone, and tomorrow isn’t promised. So, living for the day is all that I can do. I do not live like there is not a tomorrow, but I don’t live like there is either. I work on doing the next thing in front of me for the moment, and if I am granted another day, everything that God gives me the strength to endure will be what allows me to progress into tomorrow. Everything that I have done yesterday is what has brought me to the place that I am in today, and no matter how hard I try, there is nothing I can do to change what has already been done. This type of mentality is how I began my journey into my sobertastic recovery.

When I first started my trek through the valley of early recovery, I was instructed to attempt living one moment at a time because I wasn’t able to even live one day at a time. In the beginning, I could barely handle five minutes without going nuts. I was glad to hear that so many other people began this very same way, and it was working. I have been able to see how my life used to be extremely complicated and chaotic, but today, I am able to keep it simple. I still have a lot of the same issues facing me each day, but with this simple one moment at a time approach, I am able to handle things with a new attitude. I have found out that the stuff that used to scare me no longer scares me because I have been shown how my own mind is what causes me to fear life’s challenges.

When I take one step at a time and concentrate on the effort and not the outcome, then I am able to work through life’s little bumps. By moving one rock at a time, I am able to move any mountain that may be put in my path. I look forward to hearing how other people face these challenges of living without turning to alcohol. We need to stick together in recovery because it is how we continue to grow. We are good at isolating, so I challenge others to break free from their isolation and give feedback on how they are staying sober and learning to live.

           

Herding Monkeys

 

Each and every day all across the globe, people are moving about and progressing through their day, and most people are not even aware of what their minds are telling them. We all have cravings for one thing or another, and when the craving hits, we are faced with a choice of whether we should give in or not. For most people, these choices are a harmless and simple, yes or no. However, for an alcoholic/addict, these cravings come with life and death consequences.

Alcoholics/Addicts are forced to face their cravings head on in order to survive because for us, this is not a simple choice of should we or shouldn’t we. We have to constantly remind ourselves about what occurs when we give in. Alcoholic/Addict cravings start in the mind, but when the craving has time to set in a little, these cravings begin to affect the body in a way that most other people would not or could not understand. The monkey that we face each and every day is not a mere process of practicing “will power.” The monkey we face is embedded deep in our minds and is tied to the rest of our body. These cravings never go away, and they can even get stronger as time goes on. The great part is that we do not have to give into these cravings when they hit. We can learn how to spot them as they are occurring in order to prevent ourselves from giving in.

There are many ways that help deal with these intense cravings, but one of the most basic ways is simply learning to understand that there is no such thing as a minor craving. There are different levels of intensity, but they are all just as important as the next. When I first started to get sober, I didn’t realize that there was a need to recognize the less intense ones because I could easily fend them off. However, I found out that the less intense ones were just practice rounds for the ones that are more intense. Just as an athlete practices for a game, an alcoholic/addict must also practice for the landslide of craving and obsession that will eventually come and try to take them away. We have to work on getting the basics of recovery before we can even think about trying more advanced methods.

As time goes on, these cravings will begin to come along less frequently, but they seem to get a little more intense when they show back up. One thing that I have noticed is that my cravings will actually occur in ways that I wouldn’t have thought about, and so I have to stay focused and remember who I am in order to stay sober. The way that I was able to learn how to spot these off the wall cravings and deal with them was to start talking to other people. By talking with other recovering alcoholics/addicts, I am able to learn how other people are able to get through particular situations in which alcohol becomes a tempting choice. Talking to these other people also helps me to remain accountable to myself and another person so that I cannot hide within myself anymore.

Isolation is another major problem in which we must face in order to become strong enough to overcome the cravings when they show up. I am a great isolator, but today I realize that isolation is how my addiction grows strong enough to overtake me. When a person has a craving for a doughnut, the craving goes away and over time it fails to return. However, the craving for alcohol, by an alcoholic/addict, never goes away completely. Time is not on our side. The longer that an alcoholic/addict stays away from the drink, the more we have to do in order to remember who we are and how alcohol affects us.

So, remember that cravings are natural and do not mean that you are weak. Stay active in your recovery and learn new ways of herding the monkeys when they show up. I look forward to hearing how other people deal with their cravings. The more ideas that are presented, the more chance we have to help each other and another struggling person stay sober. What are some of the ways that help you deal with cravings in order to stay sober?      

 



Thursday 7-18-2013

Today is another one of those beautiful days in recovery. I am alive and I don't smell like booze. Woohoo! I am almost 2 years sober and I still consider myself very new to recovery. I hope that I never lose this type of thinking because as long as I stay new to my recovery then I should not forget why I am here. Alcohol is a terrible drug that stole a lot of life from me, but I also have to be thankful for it because it has ultimately given me a life that I could never have had if I had not suffered the way that I did. Today, I am able to wake up with hope in my heart and not have the fear of yesterday coming back to haunt me. Today I will focus on my problem, which is me, by reaching out to others in order to keep them informed about where I am. Alcohol is no longer my king, but instead it is now my liberator.

Jason B. Sober in Recovery since Sept. 12, 2011



Tip of the Week:

Resist the urge to isolate. As alcoholics/addicts we tend to isolate ourselves from other people, but in recovery this type of behavior can have damaging effects. Loneliness is a bait trap which tempts us back into our active addiction. Let others know where you are in your recovery. If you isolate, you may just miss out on the opportunity to help another person. Recovery is about living not isolating. So remember, get out and live. 

Sponsorship

Sponsorship is a term that is usually associated with sports. Teams, athletes, and race car drivers have sponsors who pay them in exchange for allowing their logos to be placed on their uniforms and race cars or by having them use their products on television. The sponsorship I am here to tell you about is alcohol recovery sponsorship. Like the sponsors associated with sports, an alcohol recovery sponsor agrees to work with someone in exchange for something. An alcohol sponsor offers their experience in recovery in exchange for keeping themselves sober by focusing on helping you recover. However, this is where the similarities end.

 Unlike a sports sponsor, alcohol sponsors do not get any type of monetary payment in exchange for their services. They are recovering alcoholics who are trying to remain sober as well. A sponsor is someone of the same sex which allows the help and support to remain recovery focused. Besides, men and women relate better to people of the same sex which will allow the quality of recovery to be much greater. So, men sponsor men and women sponsor women. Good sponsors are people who have a sponsor that has a sponsor and so on. A person actually learns to build a relationship with their sponsor in order to progress in recovery. They are there to hold an alcoholic accountable, even when no one else can. After an alcoholic decides to get sober, they need guidance in order to learn how to function in society. This is where the alcohol sponsor comes in.

Sponsors in alcohol recovery work with their sponsors in order to gain insight on how to advise another person in recovery, and by doing this they are able to hold a new recovering alcoholic accountable in order to help them function in society. Sponsors aid in this progression back into society by helping the alcoholic recognize the part they play in life situations. They also help this person to make amends to people that they have hurt along the way. Sponsors do not lend money, but they will offer advice on how to pay your bills and budget your money. Although a sponsor is there to help a person stay sober, they cannot keep them sober. They can only offer their help through their own experiences, and it is up to the alcoholic to make the final decision.

Let’s recap. A sponsor works for free, and they work with other alcoholics in order to help other people achieve sobriety. This, in turn, also helps the sponsor to remain sober because they are focused on helping another person. Through this relationship, recovering alcoholics learn to do life together without turning to alcohol. If you are considering getting sober and need a sponsor, please feel free to contact me and I will either be your sponsor or help guide you in the right direction to obtaining one.

Memoir

I started life as most people do; being born. I’m guessing that I began doing normal baby things. I don’t remember much in the way of “normal” fun growing up. My fun consisted mostly of watching my mother and step father get drunk and throw parties that usually ended with the police showing up to shut it down or carry someone off to jail.

When I was about thirteen or fourteen, I began to attend my own parties, and I started experimenting with drugs. As time progressed, I started doing more mischievous things. One day I got arrested and I got what is known as “a police record.” Some kids probably would have tried to change after that but not me. I actually got a thrill from getting into trouble, and so I kept doing it. Looking back on it today, I see a kid who was crying out for help. Unfortunately no help came, and so this became the “norm” in my life for about ten more years.

On September 10, 2011 at 10:30pm, I was pulled over in VA Beach, VA for traveling 30 miles per hour over the posted speed limit and arrested for my second DUI. I finally woke up at the age of thirty-one, fully understanding I could not keep doing this. Upon my release from jail, I went out and sought help from a group of people like myself that were in recovery. These people have continued to show me a new way to live.

            Having gone through different situations in my life, I feel they have given me the opportunity to develop some of my strengths in order to be more beneficial with regards to helping another person who might be going through the same struggles. I tend to approach life events with a more honest and open-minded outlook. I believe that in order to help I must earn trust, and in order to gain trust, I have to be honest and share my own experience, strength, and hope. Today, I remain open-minded by not judging the person but instead I try to relate to the person’s struggles.

I continue to work hard on improving both my strengths and my weaknesses because I want to be able to make a positive difference in the lives of other people and myself. The problems affecting people develop and change every day. In order to be an effective member of the recovery community, I must remain open-minded and willing to improve and change myself each and every day in order to meet those needs.

Sitting in the back seat of that police car, I knew something had to change. Four days in a jail cell allowed me the opportunity to see it was me. Because of that change, I have made a decision to start an online blog in hopes of continuing to help myself and others grow in sobriety. I hope to help another person find their opportunity to change.

Tip of the Week: Writing helps to free the mind.

Writing helps to get feelings out without speaking a single word.

Writing is way to press pause on life until you are able to get the words right and express them to another person.

Story of the Blog

Learning to Live

My blog is about learning how to live life free from active alcohol addiction. This is a lifelong process that can never be mastered or perfected, but it can always be improved. I am 658 days sober, as of July 1, 2013, and each day I have been faced with some sort of obstacle that I have had to figure out in order to find my way through it without turning to alcohol as the solution. My hope is that I may be able to help shed some light on some new ideas and also learn some other helpful ideas that will allow myself and others to live in sobriety. My goal is to try and get a network of recovering and struggling alcoholics together so that we can share our experience, strengths and hopes with each other in order to help each other stay sober one day at a time. We all struggle some days and excel on other days, but most alcoholics do not know how to cope with either of them, so they drink. Today we have a choice; we can either continue to drink and cause destruction, or we can do something different. This blog is a way in which we all can continue to do something different so that we may be able to stay sober another day. There are people who believe that alcoholics are selfish people, and they are right. We are extremely selfish in our thoughts and actions, while we drink, but we are even more selfish in our recovery. In recovery, our sobriety needs to be a selfish act in order for us to stay sober long enough so that we may be able to help another alcoholic to achieve sobriety. My hope is to do more than just stay sober. My hope is to truly learn how to live and I believe that together we can all achieve that goal.

Jason's Story

My Story

Where to begin? At the beginning you say? That would seem like the most logical answer, but I’m an alcoholic, so logical just doesn’t seem to come natural to me. Drinking and destruction is what does come natural. I am beginning to work on starting things like they should be started, at the beginning, but I am not quite there yet. I am a 31(almost 32) –year-old recovering sober alcoholic. I feel the need to stress that I am a recovering SOBER alcoholic because unfortunately this disease consumes so many of us and it causes many more to struggle so much that they never get the opportunity  to truly experience recovery. I am sober 654 days and counting as of today, June 27, 2013. With the help of my Higher Power and others like me, I may just get to lay my head down tonight without the use of an alcoholic sleeping aid. My sobriety date, which is very important to me, is September 12, 2011.

 I started drinking at the very early age of seven. Some people may see that and think, “WHAT?! Seven?!” I would just like to say to them, “Don’t worry, I was a very grown up seven- year-old. I mean I did have seven years of experience watching my parents do it.” I was invited into the parties that my parents were throwing because I think they figured out that it was easier for their seven-year-old to get their fresh beer from the refrigerator. As the hours would pass, I would even get to open the beer for them as well. So I figured that I could start tasting them for them too, and I did. I don’t remember my first drink of alcohol, however I do remember the beginning of my drinking. I remember that I didn’t enjoy the taste too much, but I did like what I saw. I just knew that I wanted to feel the way everyone else did.

Over the years I got to experience that feeling and ALL of the other feelings that went along with it. I was overweight and 30, among other things, when I found myself sitting in another police car as I was being arrested for DUI number two.  This was the first time that I had finally reached the point of being sick and tired of being sick and tired. This is where my life truly begins. Living in sobriety isn’t easy, but at least I get the chance to LIVE today. Thank you God.