Cleaning up the Mess

            I was recently given a photo, which shows how I used to eat dinner in early recovery. This scene brings back memories of how I used to handle frustrating situations. I was about six months sober when this accident happened. Although I do not remember much about the argument that was taking place at the time, I do remember that I reached a boiling point and this was the aftermath of my reaction to the situation.

            In early recovery I was not very good at dealing with my anger, and results like this were plentiful in my life. In the past, situations like this would have given me the fuel I needed to go out and secure my next drunk. However, even in early recovery, I knew that I wanted and needed to continue seeking new solutions to problems in my life. I can recall sitting at my coffee table eating my dinner, and somehow an argument occurred. After reaching my limit, I stood up and flipped the coffee table, all in one motion, and then immediately walked out the door while reaching for my phone and calling my sponsor. The simple act of calling someone, who would give me the advice that I needed to hear, is what enabled me to get my temper under control in order to re-approach the situation. My fiancée and I were able to reconcile our differences, and then the night was able to move forward.

              It was nice not having alcohol or other drugs getting in the way. This was an emotional and devastating period of time, but through continued practice of love and understanding we were able to grow from this. This picture enables me to see how alcohol is not the solution, but how it is actually the problem. Alcohol and drugs do not need to be my first line of defense in order to “deal with” my problems. I am learning to develop new skills that enable me to repair the damages that I have done, and help me to figure out how to avoid reverting back to those same damaging behaviors. If this is how your dinner arrangements turn out, remember that drinking or using will not clean up the mess. Get connected with other people, who will help you learn how to improve yourself without fueling the fire. Please post any pictures or stories that show how you used to or continue to handle life, and then also share how you are learning to cope with life today. Remember: I can’t, but WE can!