Life without Booze

The "NEW" Me

This picture describes exactly how I used to view going back to school. When I was drinking, I would talk about going back to school and doing something better with my life. The problem with that idea was that I couldn't stay away from the bottle long enough to put forth any effort to actually do it. 
Today, I am in my 3rd semester, that's right 3rd, and I am working hard to do what God has outlined for me to do. The work is steady and fast but it's at the right pace, God's pace. My lack of ability to cope with life on life's terms influenced me to drink because it could alleviate all of my problems, so I thought. The reality of it all was that drinking only compounded my problems. It took me about 23 years to figure that out, but God allowed my eyes to finally be opened up to the destruction that I was causing in my life and the lives of everyone that I came into contact with. Thank you for lifting that obsession from me. 
College is fun in a sense that I get to learn and work toward a larger goal in life all while completing a bunch of smaller goals all along the way instead of getting drunk and blowing my chances at a lasting career. Paper after paper, after project, I am able to see what the plan is that God is laying out for me. Doors are opening up that I never even knew existed to me. Other doors are still closing in my face because of my past, but I know it is only because God wants me to stay on course. My past is something that follows me around everywhere I go, but it is my past that tells people who I am or should I say used to be. Two years ago I looked at my past as a thing that was keeping me captive, but today I look at my past as what God will use to continue to set me free.
Drinking made me captive to life and attempted to bury me in it, but God has removed this merciless obsession and given me a new life in which to live. Thank you Lord.
Jason B. Sober in Recovery since September 12, 2011. 

Getting the Point

What a drain it has been these past few days. I am finding out that just because I am sober and attempting to live a more spiritual life, not everyone is doing the same thing. I have been trying to be nice to people and allow them extra time to do things that they say they are going to do, but this is going to start coming to an end.
I like to spend spare time working on small engines and other people are starting to notice. The problem with this is that people start to want you to work on their mowers and such and then next thing you know you are knee deep in a pile of crap. I had a "buddy" of mine drop off a mower for me to fix up and for the past two weeks his mower has been fixed. I have been going round and round with him about getting paid and having him pick it up. Finally, I told him that he was going to start being charged a storage fee for the item and then all of a sudden he was ready to come pick it up the night before I was going to add the ten extra dollars. This would have been perfectly fine, but it was almost nine o'clock at night when he wanted to come by.
This stirred up a whole new type of argument between us then because he wasn't happy when I told him he had to wait until tomorrow. I do not understand why people think I should fix their stuff and then wait on them hand and foot while they piddle around with my money. Long story boring, I told him as kindly as possible that he would not be allowed to come by that late at night and that I would see him the next day. He finally got someone to come by and pick up the mower and paid me the money because he knew that he was not going to get anywhere by telling me what he was going to pay and when he would come pick it up.
I believe that I am going to reconsider this working on other people's equipment, but who really knows because I've said this before and I am still doing it.
Small engine equals small money but HUGE headache. The important part is that I didn't decide to kill anyone or get drunk over it. All in all it was a positive experience and one less person to ask me to work on their equipment. On to the next chapter of this crazy journey called life.
Jason B. Sober in Recovery since September 12, 2011.

Eyes Wide Open

Today I got up and rode my bike over to the eye doctors, and I was finally able to "see" what the extent of my problems are. I found out that I have a stigmatism and that I am near sighted. To me, that equates to my eyes are not as good as they used to be and I need glasses. One blessing to getting my eyes checked out was that the doctor found something embedded in one of my eyes and therefore is going to remove it tomorrow. I had no idea because I can't feel anything and I don't believe that it is affecting my vision.
The whole experience enabled me to recognize how I am able to focus on the ailments of my body that I wasn't aware of, or even cared to face, while I was drinking. Today, I am able to spend my money on things that will give me a chance at a better life rather than wasting my money on something that does nothing but kill me. I am granted the opportunity to stay sober and focus on my health and for that I am grateful. God has freed me from my active obsession of drinking and drugging, and I am excited to be a part of this new life that I have. Living sober is a journey and I do not want the journey to end.
Jason B. Sober in Recovery since September 12, 2011.

Working With Others

Yesterday I had a pretty big job to complete, but I had to depend on another person to help me out in order to complete the job. I have always had a hard time working with others because I work hard and expect them to work at least half as hard as me. The problem is that a lot of people can not handle working half as hard as I do or even one-fourth as hard. I am learning that the problem isn't the other person, but instead it is my expectation of the other person.
I was left high and dry by another person in recovery. The individual was supposed to help me out by hauling trash to the dump and doing as little of the physical work as possible and I would pay for their gas and labor as well as cover all costs at the dump. For an entire week, they led me to believe that they would be helping me out but that soon would change. Actually the day of the job is when it changed, lol. Now, a job that would have only taken a couple hours was now going to take several more.
I then found a neighbor of mine that said they would help out, but of course they couldn't even get to the site without getting distracted by something else. I eventually(after about 2 hours) just told my neighbor not to bother coming out because it was getting too late. I found out just how undependable people can be. These two people are forever wanting me to do stuff for them, but when I need help they run the other way and lie about helping me out.
I finally was able to get someone that lives over an hour away who is willing to come down and help me out. The difference between this guy and the other two is that he is driven by God not by money. The other two wanted the money but weren't willing to put forth any effort to get it.
The greatest part about the whole ordeal is that I didn't lose my serenity and get drunk over their shortcomings. It was the first experience, as a sober living person, that I didn't allow my serenity to be affected by another person and their failure to meet expectations. God continues to work in and through me and for that I am happy.
It is awesome to know that I do not have to turn to drugs of any kind because of the things that other people do. I didn't have to turn to drugs in order to escape any feelings of guilt, frustration or complete anger. Today, I am able to see that my serenity doesn't have to depend on how other people act. I look for my part in the situation, if any, and turn it over to God. He drives a whole lot better than I do.
Today drugs are not an option for me, and God has removed this life threatening obsession from me. I am grateful to Him for this awesome and refreshing gift of sober living.
I would love to hear how other people have been able to grow through working with others or the lack of. Please share how you may have overcome or continue to struggle in these people centered situations.
Jason B. Sober in Recovery since September 12, 2011.

Happy Birthday

 

 

32..... wow where has the time gone? I look back and find it hard to believe that I spent so much of my life falling down drunk. This is birthday number 2 in sobriety, and I can't help but feel like life is getting better and more clear. The only problem is that now I feel like a kid trapped inside of a half broken down adult body. I remember spending so much of my youth anxiously awaiting the days that I could legally go into a store and buy cigarettes and booze, but today I spend more time trying to recapture a youth that I wish I could have had. I am finding the things in life that I truly enjoy doing and in finding myself and what I enjoy, I am getting a chance to live life all over again. It would be nice to be able to experience this new life in a younger and less broken body, but I will take what I can get. God has enabled me to have a chance at another day in order to experience life the way it should be lived. When I was drinking, I would spend a lot of time dreaming of what I wish life was like, but today I am finding out that sober living is so much better than anything I could have ever dreamed of. If anyone else out there is struggling with sobriety, get around other people who understand how you think because they will be able to help you through the rough spots. Each day sober allows me to see how bad living drunk really was. I am 32 and loving it. Happy Birthday to me. Thank you Lord for allowing me to have another day to experience your love. Sober living is an exciting new life that God has given me and for that I am forever grateful. I encourage others to respond with their sober birthday experiences in order to help others see how celebrating without alcohol is not only possible but how exciting it can be.

Jason B. Sober in Recovery since September 12, 2011

Learning to Say No

 

I have never been too good with saying no, and it seems that even in sobriety that trait continues to be present. I am just not always sure how to say no to people. I have problems with saying no without getting sarcastic or angry. How do I get better with this? Since getting sober, I have been learning more about how to work on small engines and since people know that I can work on them, they always seem to want me to fix theirs. I didn't have a problem in the beginning, but now it seems that they want me to not only fix their mowers and such, but now they want to decide when I will do it. Sometimes I would really just like to tell them go and jump off a bridge and to make sure they use their junk as an anchor.

I know that I do not want to say these things because part of my recovery involves doing things differently than I used to, but I do not want to always be the go to guy or the "hey fix this junk now" guy either. I am trying to learn new ways of being nice and still saying no, but I am not quite there yet.

Another one of my traits used to be that I would just lie to them in order to keep from doing the work, but again I am not looking for the easier softer way anymore. I could really use some help with tips on saying no without being the rude jerk or liar that I used to be. Any ideas????

Jason B. Sober in Recovery since September 12, 2011.

 New Experiences

 

I am just getting back from a relaxing and refreshing mini vacation in Nags Head, N.C. I had a blast, but I wish it wasn't over yet. This my second time at the beach since I quit drinking in September of 2011, and I wasn't sure what I should expect. My first time going, I was still very early in recovery and thus the experience was not all that great because I was still a very angry person without alcohol or other drugs to numb it or make it even worse. Needless to say, I didn't quite enjoy my first time after I quit drinking. This time was a completely different experience because I was more focused on my recovery, and my head was a whole lot more clear. Before we left, I made my list of the local meetings that I planned to attend while I was there. I started my trip with my focus on my recovery and God instead of alcohol or other drugs and destruction. My fiancée and I were able to be around each other without arguing and fighting. I got to see how enjoyable it was just to relax and enjoy the people and environment that I was surrounded by. We took our two dogs with us, and I was able to see how much they enjoyed it as well as get to enjoy watching them enjoy it. While we were there, I had the opportunity to see other people who's vacation was designed around their drinking and it was sad. I was thankful that I wasn't caught up in that trap this time. I was also glad to be able to see how much I do not want to go back to that state of being.

Two years have just about passed since my last drink, and I am glad that I am no longer caught in the trap of drink, pass out, wake-up and start over again. I was happy to have been able to wake up without a hangover and with the memory of what happened the night before. I made it to an A.A. meeting each of the three days that I was there, and I was able to start my day on the right track and with recovery at the front of my mind. I am glad to experience live with a new outlook and with a new mind. I look forward to enjoying more because I know that this is just the beginning of a limitless load of pay dirt. Vacation, meetings, sponsorship and fun without using. Who would have thought? Please respond with your new found sobertastic stories of recovery. Share the ups and downs so "WE" can help each other find a new way to live in sobriety, one day at a time!.

Jason B. Sober in Recovery since September 12, 2011